THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
