Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
