you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she told me i tasted like america
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
