I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She is in my trunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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