But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
