when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize