I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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