If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
