My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
