Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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