all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
