WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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