Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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