The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
