my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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