I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
