You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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