3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
