I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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