he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
