What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
