guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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