I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
