At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
