I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
