i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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