He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
