So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
