He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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