She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
3 2 1 whiskey
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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