When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Text me some of your sweat
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
