I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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