How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize