My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
