What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
