I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
