i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
