Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize