Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
