What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
