either way he was missing a nipple.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
