They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
