I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
