You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
