I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
