She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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