Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
