the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize