I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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