Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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