Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
