she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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