Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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