The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My vagina just clenched in fear
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