I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
