The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
