Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
