but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize