yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
