u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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