I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
