Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
