I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize