Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did i walk over a car last night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
