i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
