It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
