so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
