I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
